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My.Life. Blog

These blogs are for you…teen ladies who are looking for encouragement as you walk this journey of love & relationships.  If you need us, we’re here.  Just shoot us an email or a text @ 417-200-INFO.

What do YOU want to do?

Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you:

You’re hanging out with a bunch of friends.  Somebody says, “I’m hungry. Want to get something to eat?”

“Sure,” you say. “What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know? What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t care. What do you want to eat?”

We all know that these conversations can go on until everyone is passed out on the couch from hunger.  Just think, all you needed was for one person to say, “I want to eat pizza.” Everyone would’ve pooled their cash and called the delivery guy.  Easy peasy.  Did you notice what it took to save you and all your friends from a hunger coma?

It took one person who knew what she wanted.

Here’s the deal. This kind of situation happens all the time, only with way more at stake than pizza.

  • What do you want to do about your homework?
  • What do you want to do with your boyfriend?
  • What do you want to do at home when you’re bored out of your mind?

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I know what the answer to all of these questions is, and I’m totally going to tell you.

The answer is:  Do what YOU want.

Trouble is, many of us don’t know what we want. If you’re one of these people, don’t feel sad, because you’re in for a real treat. One of the most fun things in the universe is figuring out what you really, truly want.  For example, lets say you really, really want to go to college one day.  Maybe it’s Pitt State, maybe it’s cosmetology school, maybe it’s Harvard.  If this is what you want, then you should probably work really hard at your homework, like, today.

Lets say your dream has always been to be a kick-butt wife and mom. You should probably think really hard about what kinds of stuff you do with your boyfriend. You want to be healthy and happy when the time comes to say “Yes” to an amazing guy and start a family, right!?

Do you want to be really good at something?  Do you want to be good at basketball?  Want to play the guitar?  Want to be a gourmet chef?  Next time you’re at home, bored to death, try practicing the thing you want to be good at, because you’ll never get good at it while creeping on Facebook, sending endless text messages about nothing,  or surfing through YouTube videos.

So what about you? What is it you want out of life?  I suggest you go get yourself an ice cold coke, sit down in a quiet room and think about it for a few minutes.  Chances are, once you know what you want out of life, it will help you decide what you want to do today.

Written by: Aanna Greer, VR Team Member

This is Me

Let me ask you a question…ready?

  1. Who are you?
  2. Are you a weight? 115 pounds? 150 pounds? 95 pounds?
  3. Are you a brand name? Are you Pink? Aeropostale? Ed Hardy?
  4. Are you a stereotype? Do people label you Emo? Slut? Popular? Hipster?

The thing is, you know that none of these things can describe you completely. You’re a big, beautiful collection of personality traits, experiences, likes, dislikes, relationships and habits. But sometimes it’s hard to know exactly who you are, especially when it feels like you’re changing all the time! Here’s a little exercise that I like to do when I want to get a handle on who I am:

What You’ll Need:

  • A piece of paper or posterboard
  • Glue
  • Scissors
  • Old magazines, catalogues or unwanted picture books

What You’ll Do:

  • Just start going through the magazines, catalogues, or books and cut out anything you see that reminds you of yourself. Do you like the color blue? Cut out something blue. Do you like swimming? Cut out a picture of a calm, cool lake. Do you like animals? Find a picture of a beautiful horse.
  • Other things to look for: words that describe you (“enthusiastic”, “shy”, “sporty”, “calm”), pictures of things you don’t like (do you see a picture of a model who’s waaaaaay too skinny? Cut it out and then draw a big X through it), or if you can’t find something specific, just grab a pencil and draw it yourself! (Who says you need a magazine to find who you are?) ****Tip: think of things that your loved ones (perhaps family members or friends) tell you about yourself. Does your mom or your best friend always comment on how smart you are? That probably means you’re smart! Find a picture of a stack of books or the name of a prestigious college and CUT IT OUT!
  • Now, glue all these different images, words, and drawings to the piece of paper. When you’re finished, sit back and think about what you see. Does anything surprise you? Would it surprise your friends? Your parents?
  • Maybe, if you’re feeling brave, show the collage to someone you trust, and tell them all about the collage and why you chose the images and words on the page. Tell them about who you are.
  • Finally, hang the collage up someplace where you’ll see if often (like in your bathroom or beside your bed). When advertisers, peers or adults are trying to tell you who are you, the college will be a remind of who you really are.

This is Me – BE PROUD!

Written by: Aanna Greer, VR Team Member

Happy, Healthy, Successful Me

I remember junior high like it was yesterday – braces, glasses, puberty awkwardness – awesome, right!?  I know you remember these days well.  I remember the big book excitement when I was in middle school was “The Babysitter’s Club” – some of you have probably read these books.  Well, back then, they were still brand new and very cool! LOL

I remember reading these books like they were going out of style and thinking of how I could start my own BSC.  I talked to a couple of girlfriends, and we decided we were going to go for it! We were so excited – we were going to be meeting every Tuesday.  We made flyers.  We posted them around town, and we were ready to go!  Then the big day came – the first meeting.  We excitedly sat around waiting for the phone to ring.  Tick.  Tock.  No ringing.  Two hours passed, and not a single call.  We were devastated! Who wouldn’t want us to watch their sweet children!?  Heartbroken, we tried for another week or two, but the calls never came.  *sigh*  Sadness…

Years later, as I look back on that season, I see the problems with our plan.

  1. We didn’t put the signs up in the right places – nobody probably ever even saw them!
  2. We met for two hours a week – in the middle of people’s work day – who was going to call us during that two hour window to ask us to babysit!?
  3. We had no experience babysitting – and no training.  Who would trust us with their kids!?
  4. We were TWELVE years old!!  Seriously!?  Who is going to call a 12 year old that they don’t even know based on a poster they saw somewhere and ask them to watch their kids – the most precious people in their lives!?

It made sense then – but now, I see that maybe it was really stupid!

I think we all have things like that in our lives – things that made sense at the time, but really make no sense a few months/years down the line when we can look back with a little more wisdom.  Something I wish somebody had told me when I was a teenager (maybe they did & I didn’t listen!) – you have to be intentional if you want to be successful. If I wanted my own BSC to work, I should have done a little more homework – talked to some moms and asked them their opinions, taken a class, read some books on babysitting.  If I had done that, I would have realized the fatal flaws inherent in my plan before I even got started!  I didn’t have a plan – I just thought it would happen naturally.

In life and relationships, we often think that things will just come together naturally for us.  The sad reality is, though, that this is simply not true! If you want to have healthy and successful relationships, you’re going to have to take the bull by the horns and go after them!  You’re going to need to do your homework and prepare yourself!  And honestly, this is a lifelong journey that you’ll be on – learning about how to be a better friend, spouse, parent, employee, etc.

So, here’s some ideas for you to help you along the journey – some books and resources that can help you be happier, healthier, and more successful in life, love, and relationships.  I hope they are useful to you and that you’ll really dig in, preparing and being intentional about having the life you’ve always wanted.  You can’t change the past – but you can always decide what’s next! I hope you will!

Overcome the hard things in life (abuse, broken relationships), figure out your identity:

Dating:

As always, if you need anything, let us know!  We’re here to walk with you on the journey!

Written by:  Melissa Winston, LifeChoices’ Youth Development Coordinator

The Broken Image

As you may recall, the day of My.Life., you were challenged to figure out three things – 1) Who I am, 2) What I want, and 3) Where I’m going.  We challenged you that your relationships must fall in line with helping you accomplish those three things in order to be healthy.  Any relationship that is not achieving this result needed to be seriously evaluated – and maybe ended.  Perhaps the most challenging question on that list is the first one – “Who Am I!?”  Everybody struggles with this question at some point in their lives.

We have received thousands of text messages since our first My.Life. event.  These texts come in all varieties, but perhaps the most common question goes something like this, “I have no idea who I am because I’ve been through some pretty hard things in my life.  How do I get there!?”  This is tough.  Sadly, there is no 5 step formula to help you figure out who you are.  There are so many things that play into that!  And especially when you’ve been through hard things in life (as most of us have!), there can be some brokenness when we look in the mirror that needs to be healed before we can truly answer that question.

But today, I thought I’d try to help you at least start down the path a bit…so, here’s a few things you can take a look at…

  1. Start with some self-evaluation.  Are you being who you want to be right now?  Are you happy with the person you are today – with your values, with your relationships, with the path you’re on in life, with your family life?  If the answer is yes – then great – go to the next step!  If the answer is no – then figure out what it is exactly that you’re not happy with.  Some of these things may be out of your control, but start to list out the things you don’t like and then what you would like to have in place of that thing.

Here’s an example – “I don’t like that I have a reputation as a girl who’s ‘easy.’  Instead, I’d like my reputation to be that I’m a girl worth jumping for.  A girl who is smart, fun, passionate, going somewhere in life, and worthy of respect.”

2.  What are you naturally interested in and/or good at?  My six year old is already a crazy talented artist – is there something that just comes naturally for you?  This could be drawing, computers, art, talking, listening…anything!  Figure out what your strengths are (you have them – I promise!) and embrace them!

3.  What do you love to do?  I love to decorate – L.O.V.E. IT!  It’s just one of those silly things that I love to do.  What do YOU love to do?  That’s a big part of who you are!  You may love to read, to write, to act, to sing, to dance…anything!

4.  Who are the people that you love most?  Your family?  Your closest friends?  Perhaps you’re a spiritual person, and someone on this list for you is God.  How do those people impact who you are?  When I was a little girl, my mom and dad used to tell me all the time that I could do anything.  That they believed in me!  This shaped my confidence in more ways that I can ever know.  How have your family and friends shaped who you are.

5.  Look down the road to your future – what do you want it to look like?  You may not have the fine details ironed out yet, but you can know some general things.  Things like, I want to be married, have a family, have a stable job, be able to pay the bills, etc.  Come up with the core things you know you want

So…once you’ve done all these things, you may not have a neat little answer that you could write down for anyone who asked.  However, you likely do have some ideas about who you want to be.

When I was a teenager, I didn’t know much for sure – but a few things I did.  I knew that I was great at arguing (my mom’s favorite strength, I’m sure), I was a natural born leader, I enjoyed computers, I liked speaking in front of people, I enjoyed kids, I loved God, and I was passionate about making a difference that counted for something.

And here I am today – doing things that use almost every single one of those things that defined me as a teenager – and on a bigger scale than I imagined back then!

What defines YOU?  Who do YOU want to be?  It doesn’t matter who you’ve been in the past so much as it matters who you choose to be today and tomorrow.  Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you on the journey!

Written by:  Melissa Winston, Youth Development Coordinator for LifeChoices

What’s Next!?

As I think about what’s next for me, it’s much different than what could be next for you.  I’ve got a loving husband and son with another
baby on the way, which means that what’s next for me is pretty much already laid out and set in stone.  How does this help you?  Well, part of how I got this life is that I started making decisions for myself before they ever got emotional.  It’s a great principle to live by.

Example: I knew that I would no longer have a boyfriend just for fun or the sake of not being alone.  (This after my 1.5 year relationship
that wasn’t going to realistically amount to anything beyond just dating.)  I wanted to make sure that I knew the guy and what he wanted out of life before I began any kind of emotional connection.  This is not a simple task, but living by this principle has saved me a lot of pain and learning from my mistakes the hard way.  Had I married the guy I had dated in late high school and early college, I’m pretty sure that I’d be very unhappy with no kids and on the verge, if not already, divorced.  Sound fun?  Absolutely not.  I had to grow up and face reality, and I’m ridiculously glad that I did.

For you, there are many options here. You’ve got an enormous amount of potential, and your options for your future are literally limitless at your age.  (If you’ve already had plans laid out for you due to a previous choice, you’ll have to work with that situation the best you can – but it’s never too late to start moving towards your dreams!)  Whatever you think your future holds is all in your head.  So, be creative – but realistic.  Figure out your dreams, balance them with your abilities and resources, and then go!  Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time, right?  You can’t expect to be a millionaire or super successful in a matter of months.  That’s rare.  But if you hold to a goal and idea for your life and try to make choices before you get too emotionally involved, you can succeed and look back on your hard work and dedication with pride and joy without too many icky regrets.

What’s next?  You hold the answer to that.

Written by Amy Hunt, VR Program Coordinator